The more I do, the more that I realize how much my network has contributed to any accomplishment worth mentioning.
Building a network is not networking. It is not creating a rolodex of transactional relationships. You know you’ve built a network worth having when there are about fifty people whom you engage in life with. It’s having people you love (and who hopefully love you) to stay in constant contact with in order to provide the best of yourself to further their aspirations.
Let me repeat that: You provide your network the best of yourself to further their aspirations.
Building a network like this requires two simple things: first, a ration of 10:1; second, NOT being an asshole.
The ratio of 10:1 indicates that you do something for someone ten times for every single thing you ask of them. Why ten? Because by the time you hit four or five you stop counting – and thus stop being subconsciously transactional – and start being a genuine and arguably better human being.
The key is to build a network BEFORE you need it. That’s what having a network MEANS.
But what does “having a network” look like? Great question. To me, I know that I have added someone new to my network when they start asking me for help. This is key because I know that our relationship has developed enough that they feel comfortable asking for my help. I know that they trust me enough to follow through on what I say I’m going to do. I also make sure to follow through on those promises— because in the currency of relationships, promises that are kept are gold. I’ll say it again, this time in all caps: GOLD.
Because of this I’ll also note that the quickest way to gain a reputation is to not follow through on promises. Remember, this is not transactional. I do not keep a tab of how many things I’ve done for people because I get enough enjoyment out of seeing my contribution help them progress. I ensure that this happens because I usually make requests on behalf of someone else. I hardly ever make any requests for myself. In fact, often my one “ask” is to help someone else , someone, for example, who is just getting started and wanting to build their own network or get a few actionable items under their belt.
There are two VERY important pieces about maintenance that I’ll mention when it comes to networks.
One, treasure it. Make sure that it is the number one thing in your life. Why? Because that’s all you have in life. Good, bad, or ugly, the relationships with those around you are all you will have in your life. Nothing else comes close.
Two, safeguard it. Don’t fuck it up. Follow through on promises. Don’t make a recommendation for someone you barely know. Make sure you have your shit together. With every interaction you have with the people around you, you are creating—whether intentionally or accidentally—your personal brand. Your personal brand is the initial emotional response people have when they think of you or hear your name. Regardless of whether or not you think it’s fair, how we as social beings weigh the importance of the relationship with others is based on one thing: our subconscious emotional response to them. How you control that comes down to a simple equation: Outcomes/Expectations - Your direct behavior with them - The feedback they get from other people about their interactions with you.
So to recap:
Don’t be an asshole.
10:1
Make sure you make people feel comfortable asking for your help.
Make sure you actually follow through on your promises.
Your relationships are all you have in life. Act accordingly.
Unfortunately, perception is everything, and how it is developed has nothing to do with the logical aspects of the brand. Manage your personal brand to be what you want it to be in the minds of the people whom you wish to engage with.
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